How to Tell If You Actually Want It (Or Just Think You Do)

You can know if you actually want something by testing it against a real choice this week, not by thinking harder about it. A wish that survives contact with an actual Tuesday — a real hour, a real no to something else — is a want. A wish that only survives in your head, as a thing you'd like to have already happened, is usually a should wearing a want's clothes. The difference shows up in action, not in reflection.

This is the exact confusion Journey 9 — Vision, guided by Drish — is built to clear up. In the 12 Journeys framework at My 12 Journeys, Drish's work is envisioning the future: dreaming in detail so vision becomes a memory of the future. Below is the walkthrough: four exercises that take a vague "I think I want that" and run it through a week of real decisions until you know, instead of guess.

Why "What Do I Want?" Isn't the Right First Question

Most people try to answer "what do I want" by sitting still and thinking about it. That's backwards. Sitting still is where shoulds live — the career you're supposed to want, the version of fit you're supposed to chase, the relationship status that would look right from the outside. Shoulds are fluent. They answer fast, in full sentences, often in someone else's voice.

Real wants are slower and quieter, and they don't announce themselves in words first. They show up as a pull toward one thing and a flatness toward another when you're actually choosing — not imagining choosing. That's why testing beats thinking here. You're not trying to find better language for the want. You're trying to catch it in the act.

Exercise 1: The Should List, Named Out Loud

Before you can find the want, clear the shoulds off the table where they're hiding.

Take ten minutes and write down every "I want" you're currently carrying — career, relationships, health, money, the whole list. Next to each one, write the honest source: whose voice is this? A parent's. A peer's. An old version of you who needed it for a different reason. Yours, actually.

You won't finish this list with clean answers. That's fine. The point isn't certainty yet — it's separating the noise from the signal enough to know which ones are worth testing. Anything you can't name a personal reason for, other than "I should," goes to the bottom of the list. It might still matter later, but it isn't where you start.

Exercise 2: The One-Week Micro-Test

Pick the single want closest to the top of your list — the one you're least sure is real. This week, design one small, real action that would only make sense if you actually wanted it.

Not a plan. An action. If the want is "a slower life," the micro-test isn't journaling about slowness — it's turning down one thing you'd normally say yes to and noticing what happens in your body when you do. If the want is "to build something of my own," the micro-test isn't researching business ideas — it's spending one real hour this week making the first ugly version of the thing, with nothing to show anyone.

Then watch for one signal: relief, or resistance. A want that's real tends to produce relief even when the action is hard — a sense of "finally" underneath the effort. A should tends to produce resistance that doesn't let up even after you've done it — a flatness, a "now what," a quiet relief when the hour is over instead of during it. Knowing your goal isn't the same as acting on it; the test only works if you actually do the thing, not plan to.

Exercise 3: The Future-Day Walkthrough

This is Drish's exercise, and it only works in detail. Pick the want you're testing and walk through one ordinary day inside it — not the headline version of the dream, the Tuesday version.

Where do you wake up. What's the first hour. Who's in the room by lunch. What problem are you solving that afternoon, and does it look anything like the problem you're solving now. Go slow enough that you can picture the small, unglamorous parts — the commute, the inbox, the dinner conversation — not just the moment you'd post about.

Two things happen when you do this honestly. First, vague wants get specific or fall apart — "I want to be successful" rarely survives a Tuesday walkthrough intact, because success isn't a day, it's a feeling you were hoping the day would produce. Second, the day either pulls you in or it doesn't. If picturing the ordinary version of it in detail makes you want it less, you've learned something real and saved yourself a year of chasing the headline instead of the life.

Exercise 4: The One Choice Today

Once a want has survived a micro-test and a future-day walkthrough, it earns a place in today — not someday.

Ask: what is one choice I could make today that only makes sense if this is actually where I'm headed? Not the biggest possible move. The next one that's actually available — a message sent, a form filled out, a conversation had, a thing said no to. Small decisions claim a choice you've been afraid to make more reliably than big ones, because a small decision is one you'll actually follow through on this week.

This is also where Rimi fits into the testing, not just the dreaming. Rimi, the AI guide inside My 12 Journeys, runs daily check-ins — a place to report back honestly on whether you made the choice, what the resistance felt like, and whether the pull toward it held or faded. Rimi doesn't tell you what you want. As Rimi puts it: "I'll teach you what I know—but becoming a Giant is up to you." The testing is yours to run; the check-in is just where you stay honest about the results.

When the Test Fails

Some wants won't survive the week. You'll design the micro-test, do it, and feel nothing — or worse, relief that it's over. That's not failure, and it's not proof you don't want anything. It's data. Cross it off the list that's testable this month and go back to Exercise 1 for the next candidate.

If what surfaces instead is frustration at yourself for not knowing sooner, that's worth sitting with gently rather than pushing past. Self-compassion exercises that actually stick are useful here — the goal of this walkthrough is clarity, not another reason to feel behind.

FAQ

How do I know if I actually want something or just think I do?

Run it through a real, small action this week and watch how your body responds — not how your thoughts respond. A real want tends to produce relief or pull even when the action is hard; a should tends to produce resistance or flatness that doesn't lift once the action is done.

What's the difference between a want and a should?

A want has a reason you can trace to yourself when you're honest about it. A should usually traces back to someone else's voice — a parent, a peer, an old expectation — even when it's dressed up in your own words.

Why doesn't just thinking about what I want work?

Thinking tends to surface the fluent, familiar answers — the ones you've rehearsed or absorbed from somewhere else. Wants show up more honestly in how you actually choose, which is why testing against a real decision works better than reflecting in isolation.

What if none of my "wants" survive the test?

That's useful information, not a dead end. Cross off what didn't hold, and go back to naming candidates — the list in Exercise 1 is meant to be run through more than once as you get more honest about the sources behind each item.

How does Journey 9 (Vision) fit into this?

Journey 9 is where My 12 Journeys, the Tribe of Giants' guided personal-growth path, pairs you with the guide Drish to practice envisioning the future in enough detail that it starts to feel less like a wish and more like something you remember forward into.

If you want to run this walkthrough with Rimi's daily check-ins alongside you, start free — 30 days of All-Access, no card required.

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